


would you fall (in the name of love)

by Spring_Emerald



Series: dropping (not so subtle) hints [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Hang in there Kuroo, Introspection, It got a bit serious, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, but there is hope, its complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Emerald/pseuds/Spring_Emerald
Summary: Truthfully speaking, it wasn’t Kuroo’s plan to spontaneously confess his feelings for Sawamura, especially if the other is very fresh from a break-up. And while his intentions of comforting him did indeed come from a place of genuine worry born from friendship, there was a sliver of the non-platonic feelings and a not-so-noble part of him that came with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ Here's the next installment. 
> 
> Title shamelessly borrowed from a song.
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes! Enjoy~

Kuroo, by all means does not consider himself a coward. Even if pushed to the proverbial edge, Kuroo knows that he would definitely let his fight instincts take over, rather than flight.

It’s a good trait to have, as a sportsman, also better to have as a person.

But after that certain incident with Sawamura, he thinks that it merits some reconsideration.

Truthfully speaking, it wasn’t Kuroo’s plan to spontaneously confess his feelings for Sawamura, especially if the other is very fresh from a break-up. And while his intentions of comforting him did indeed come from a place of genuine worry born from friendship, there was a sliver of the non-platonic feelings and a not-so-noble part of him that came with it.

He also knows that he has better self-control than that, but then he had to go and leave his brain to mouth filter on the spot where he incidentally left Bokuto and say it.

He supposed that it was karma, bitching at him for trying to take advantage of the situation.

That wasn’t even the worst part. Because as swiftly as the confidence had come to him, it swiftly left him as well, and because he can’t bear the shocked look and the eerie silence that followed, he bolted out of Sawamura’s apartment in record time and ran as fast as humanly possible.

If he could just find a way to completely erase his existence on earth, it would be pretty helpful. Unlike his supposed best friend.

“You’re still moping around?” Bokuto asked as he sat on the chair in front of Kuroo. “It’s been a week, man. You can’t avoid Sawamura forever.” He punctuated his observation with a big bite of his burger.

If Kuroo wasn’t so deep in his self-loathing still, he would’ve pointed out that he’s been doing a good job of it for the past week. He still haven’t approached him since the incident. He resolutely avoided the other’s usual hang-out places, and he can’t even find it in himself to wonder why the other hadn’t tried contacting him, not that he would if he was in his shoes.

He kept silent, vaguely aware that Bokuto’s watching him watch the sundae he ordered but didn’t necessarily wanted to eat, turn into a frothy excuse of a cold chocolatey milk.

”I never took you for a quitter, Kuroo.” Bokuto said, matter-of-factly.

And really, Kuroo knows this by heart, and it’s one thing to admit it to himself, but hearing someone else, even Bokuto, especially Bokuto, say it, is quite grating and it hit some nerve that Kuroo feels this sudden spike of irrational anger.

“Get off my case, Bokuto.” He said with as much malice as he could, not intending to soften the blow and pretend that he wasn’t annoyed.

Which was unfair, because Bokuto has been supportive since the beginning, especially during this whole mess, and Kuroo knows that it’s unfair he takes out his anger at him, when the person he’s truly angry at is himself. But he’s so tired of feeling sorry and feeling guilty and he’s being a jerk, now that he thinks about it.

“Shit, Bokuto. Sorry.” He gritted his teeth and dragged his hands down his face.

“Nah. It’s cool bro.” Bokuto shrugged as he took a sip of his drink. “But don’t you think that you’re being unfair?” He asked genuinely curious.

“I know.” Kuroo groaned. “I’m sorry for lashing out.”

Bokuto shook his head hastily. “NO! Not to me. To Sawamura.” He pointed out.

Kuroo looked up at him.

“I don’t mean the whole out-of-the-blue confession thing.” Bokuto waved a hand dismissively.  “But the part where you don’t even want to talk to him about it. Ugh, like. If it were me that you confessed to, not saying that you would, or not that I would know or would want you to, I mean I am still your friend.” Bokuto said with much conviction, looking earnestly at Kuroo, waiting for the other to understand.

Generally speaking, Bokuto is prone to saying things that don’t make any sense, but that is only due to the fact that he isn’t as articulate as he wants to be, and has the tendency to be side tracked by what he’s saying, so most of the time it only make sense to him. Kuroo usually is able to more or less understand what is going through Bokuto’s head, able to translate and edit his words accordingly given the context. But right now, it’s one of the rare moments that even he can’t comprehend what Bokuto was trying to say.

Kuroo’s confusion must have been very clear on his face, because Bokuto just slumped on his seat.

“I don’t –”

“Argh!” Bokuto exclaimed suddenly, causing Kuroo to mildly jump at his seat.

He was grabbing at the sides of his head, his face contorted in a way that looks painfully frustrated at his incapability to fully express himself.

“I mean I may not feel the same way, but as your friend, I would want to understand. I would want you to explain. And I want you to trust me that I would listen, because I am your friend. Like, it’s insulting to our friendship, you know? I mean, not ‘insulting’ _insulting_ but, I don’t know. I would feel hurt you know?” He finished his spiel accompanied with wild gesticulation with a shrug that just all about given up.

“But that’s me, and I am not Sawamura. I don’t know what he’ll do.”

When Kuroo looked up at him, shocked but grateful at the same time, Bokuto knew that he got the message across.

Hopefully, Kuroo wouldn’t run away from what he knows to do next.

\----------

Meeting with Sawamura after the whole fiasco was awkward, as how one would find meeting with your friend who you also happen to harbor more than friendly feelings for, who you avoided for a week after inconveniently confessing your feelings to him, is bound to be awkward.

Kuroo could tell that the other was uncomfortable, and he could tell that there’s so much gap between the two of them, and he doesn’t mean the space Sawamura was currently keeping between them.

“Hi,” he started tentatively, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, thank you. For coming.”

Daichi gave a small, stiff nod, as he pointedly looked at the ground. “Yeah.” He said softly.

Kuroo heaved a deep sigh, expecting the short responses. Sawamura’s too tense for his liking, and this is the first time in a long while that it has been his behavior whenever he’s around Kuroo, and frankly it hurt. But it’s not like he can blame Sawamura for acting like this. He was the one who selfishly decided to rattle the friendly status quo they have reached. It’s not the first time he wanted to punch himself, and as long as they’re going to be like this, he doubts it’s going to be the last.

But he called Sawamura over for a reason, and it’s not because he wants to sit with him, engulfed in thick and heavy silence. He’d done enough running and he’s had enough of being a coward, and he’d damn well face the consequences, whatever it will be. He just wants this done and over with.

“I’m sorry, Sawamura.” He spoke gravely, as he shame fully averted his eyes. “I shouldn’t have ran away like that. I shouldn’t have avoided you, but I can’t…” He fumbled for words, and anything else that comes to him sounds like a pathetic excuse for the way he’s acted, but it’s all that he has right now.

“I’m not apologizing for what I said, because those were true, but it was wrong of me to leave just like that, and evade you after.” Kuroo noticed Daichi shift in his seat. The gaze he was giving the ground, he turned up to the sky. Then he inhaled deeply, seemingly gathering the strength needed to reply.

“I mostly thought you were joking, you know.” He exhaled with a soft huff. “I was waiting for you to drop the punchline, but you didn’t. I thought…” He trailed off, eyes having that faraway look, but after a moment he shook his head.

“Well, I don’t know what I thought, but when you didn’t contact me, I was…” he paused, searching for the right word, “relieved.”

He gave Kuroo a tentative glance, and didn’t miss the flutter of hurt that passed through Kuroo’s face upon hearing his admission.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he added hastily. “I was relieved because I wouldn’t have known what to do or how to act, if you just came back and acted normal, like it didn’t happen. I’m not saying that what you did was better, but I think I would’ve been hurt, if that’s what you did.”

Kuroo is reminded that honesty was such a huge factor when it comes to their relationship. It might have started with passive-aggressive comments during the height of their rivalry, but the both of them were never afraid to point out each other’s faults, openly admire each other’s strengths and he’s glad for that sort of communication that they have in that they can both speak their minds. And he’s grateful, that even at times like this, Sawamura trusts him enough to be honest with him. It’s only fitting he does the same.

“A part of me wanted to.” He huffed a small, self-deprecating laugh, then instantly sobered. “But I couldn’t. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“I know.” Daichi acquiesced quietly. “I think I understand.”

Kuroo really wasn’t expecting him to respond, so his surprised look at Daichi wasn’t completely uncalled for. And suddenly, he remembers that this is the guy that didn’t punch his ex, even after said ex basically said that he was just a stand-in for somebody else that he couldn’t have. And now he doesn’t know what he did to deserve knowing someone like Sawamura Daichi.

And he’s stricken with the realization that he doesn’t want Sawamura to be out of his life. Nor does he want to be out of the other. If the consequence of his untimely confession and the subsequent mess it made is that he has to stay as Sawamura’s friend, and only that, for the rest of his short miserable life, then he’ll take it, because it’s better than not being anything at all. He’ll fight for it, if he has too.

“But Kuroo…” Daichi is unable to meet his eyes again, and Kuroo braced himself for what’s about to come.

“I’m still sorting myself out. I’m not ready… I can’t…I just know that I don’t want to lose you.” He trailed off again, unable to continue. Kuroo shushed him, and took a hand. It’s presumptuous, given their situation, but it tugged Kuroo’s heart strings, seeing Sawamura so vulnerable, and he doesn’t know anything else to do to comfort him.

Daichi squeezed the hand holding his. “You’re important to me, Kuroo.” He looked at the other imploringly.

“That’s enough for me.”

It’s more than enough, because he wasn’t expecting Sawamura to still be here, wasn’t expecting to feel the warm hand on his, wasn’t expecting to be told that he’s important. He’s especially elated to know that even when things are complicated right now, Sawamura doesn’t want to lose him, as much as he doesn’t want to lose the other.

Kuroo won’t delude himself, and think that they can go back to the way they were before. He’s pretty sure that Sawamura knows this, and doesn’t want that either. And while he doesn’t know how they will go about it, he has hope.

And that’s enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> I said that I would approach this as realistically as possible. I don't know what happened. I also probably made a mistake making this a series. Welp.
> 
> In any case, I have hidden all the pointy objects in my house just in case you would like to come and pay me a visit.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Until next time! :D


End file.
